As a kid, I was deeply influenced by the story of Cinderella and whenever someone in the family asked who your favorite is, I’d proudly announce her name. I wanted to wear dress like Cinderella and wished to have fairy as a friend. When somebody asked why I enjoy her so much, I’d say because she’s beautiful, truthful and kind, get Bee Removal Services. She always helps others and does great things to even those who are bad. She never says “No”.
As children, we learned that saying no was improper. We grow up watching movies or household examples where seniors talk in front of us that those who say no are poor. Often “kindness” is associated with saying “yes” but in reality these are two different things. In the words of Dr. Newman, “Women are raised to be care givers and nurturers, and which is why the problem is much more prevalent for women than men”, however in my opinion the problem is not gender specific and it is both in women and men.
So as to understand this little better let me tell you the reasons that makes a person always say yes-
For Love- It is proven fact that human beings are emotional and all of us want love and affection. This is one of the most significant reasons that lead some people to say yes because we believe saying No will draw people besides us and we won’t be loved just as much.
Fear of being rejected- We all want to be loved and hate being rejected. The idea of rejection is painful and sometimes just out of uncertainty, some of us say yes in spite of the fact that we want to say no in our heart.
For showing kindness- All of us have seen this in the films that good folks are always kind and giving, and bad people are always unkind.They always say no to everybody. Saying No is often associated with rudeness and hence we choose to be kind instead of being impolite.
As humans, we feel danger in the unknown locations and for that reason keep giving ourselves false explanations; to stay in those wrong jobs and with wrong people and keep saying yes to the things that make us miserable.
Cultural pressure- As children we’re constantly taught to be kind and say yes to everybody especially to elders and people in authoritative positions such as teachers. Hence, some of us as adults, find it difficult to say no to elderly people and to the managers at work place.
The cycle that starts in our childhood keeps going and we’re trapped to the extent that we start feeling guilty whenever we say no to people. In the majority of the cases it is just an over hyped scenario that we build in our minds. In some other instances however, things get weird following people, that are habitual of listening yes from us suddenly start getting no. They start feeling that we have turned arrogant and some even feel betrayed. The same thing occurs in the workplace where our colleagues and managers don’t expect us to say no.
In spite of all these impacts, in my opinion saying no is much better than saying yes for most of the things because of the following reasons-
It offers you the chance to be true to your self- Saying No to matters that makes you miserable saves your time and energy for doing other productive stuffs. It gives you the time to become really involved in the things that you truly enjoy doing.
Good for mental health- There is nothing worse than saying yes for something you don’t wish to do. From my personal experience, it attracts plenty of frustration and unnecessary stress. Saying No without feeling guilty will help you feel relaxed and you can do your regular with greater focus and positive energy.
It helps you understand who your true well wishers are – People who stick to you just for getting favor of some sort won’t stay with you once they learn that you are capable of saying No to them. Consequently, it’s also a fantastic technique to understand who all your real wishers are.
Saying No is quite tricky for men and women who are in the habit of saying yes. Some tips derived from my personal experiences to tackle this issue-
Letting go off the childhood preaching and saying no with confidence does not makes you a bad person.
Take time before you say yes- Every time someone asks you to do something, do not say yes right away, instead take some time (a day or two), and think whether or not you actually want to do it. After considering, politely accept or refuse the request.
Bear in mind that your self-worth doesn’t depend on what others think of you- Your self-worth is what you recognize and it should not be subject to opinion of others. You don’t need to please everybody you know. Realize that you’re better than that and certainly worth more.
It’s a fantastic thing to be considerate, generous and helping. A person can be kind and at the same time set his/her boundaries. It is important not to lose ourselves and our self-respect on the way to becoming saying yes. It’s very easy to say yes”.